My last post might have shocked a few of you and left you thinking: She is seeing someone? And she is in love?? So, I decided that I'd add a "prequel" to this new chapter and love story. Here is where the prequel will start, let me get you set...
I'd been separated and divorced for some time - healed my head through counseling and my heart through life coaching. During that time I realized I didn't need a relationship, but did want one. So, to test the dating waters I joined an online dating app. I'm still not sure how much I loved (still don't know if I'd recommend it) the idea of online dating, but the "how do you meet people" question was real. At first it was a task just to learn how to talk to guys again and express expectations/standards for whom you are looking for. Eventually, some of the conversations resulted with in-person meetings -- always in public and with a friend knowing details of the meeting. It is HARD to uncover the layers with these dates and unfortunately several liked to talk and good talk, but not the walk. After a short relationship with a good talker, I realized that I needed to take a break from it all and re-evaluate. My need vs want with relationships and my desire to put God first - were all getting off balance. In fact, it was during that time of re-evaluation that "positioned for purpose" came to life. Dating was one of many areas that I needed to position myself to allow the Lord to work and use for His purpose. For me it meant I had to let go fully, trust His timing and rest in Him. I met Scott 30-ish years ago when my best friend and then roommate took me to her house and there I met her older brother. I'll never forget his eyes, they caught my attention that day. But I was just her "little friend" to him then (he does remember my smile however). As Scott came back into mind and we began to message - I spent a lot of time in prayer and there were some times of tearful talks with my God over feelings I was beginning to have - laying them at His feet. I knew I had to be purposeful, prayerful and patient -- this was something incredibly different and special. We spent time messaging and eventually connected in-person for coffee. That coffee time sparked nightly phone conversations and lots more dates. I knew I'd fallen in love with him before the coffee time with how he showed a love for the Lord that I knew was personal and special. But each and every date just kept drawing us closer and deeper into loving each other. Feelings toward each other that filled us with contentment and peace and times of joy and laughter. The next chapter was unfolding with this new love!
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This excerpt was seen on Facebook, put so many of my thoughts into the perfect words - I added my own to the right (cause a writer has got to write).
Kansas winds can be quite something! But so can the winds of change!! Sometimes change can come in like a gentle breeze and other times it feels tornadic! There are times that I would love to have a "wind warning" for change like we do for the weather. ---Wind speeds could reach 90 mph causing roof and tree damage -- these change winds are going to knock you off your feet! Sometimes, like a weather forecast, we know that the change is coming. However, even when knowing, it is hard to prepare for just how it will affect us. But just as we will always have wind, we will also have change. We may not like it, will complain about it - it is part of life as we know it and we need to be able to embrace it. Now I have no idea what it would look like to pull wind into a hug and embracing a tornado seems like the worst idea ever.
We have had months (maybe years) that the wind blew and whipped around us. Hard decisions, conversations and changes. However, finding my true direction would be far beyond my initial thoughts when we created the sign. The winds of change in my life have served a purpose. At first it was standing on my own, saying "I can do hard things". I've had to learn to figure out how to do things that I've never done and know when to ask for help with things that I can't do - both equally important and "wins". Then realizing who I am and developing a guiding foundational blueprint. That foundational blueprint, is built to withstand the winds and point me to "true north". During the winds of change these truths remain and provide the guardrails to keep me safe and secure. I've never thought of it as one of my life compasses, but it is! A simple compass is amazing because when you pick it up, it always points to magnetic north. The Gospel of Mark is like a compass. You pick it up and it always points to True North–Jesus Christ. And according to Mark, the True North that the whole world depends on to be reconciled back to God is Jesus Christ. The very first verse of Mark says what his whole letter is all about: “The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.” (Mark 1:1). In a sense Mark is saying, “I’m giving you a compass, this is an accurate picture of the man Jesus Christ, and throughout all of history when people read these accounts, it will always point you to True North, it will point you squarely toward the One Man who Matters Most. (Credit Link) A hero can't triumph as the person they were before. The very point of the journey is to become someone new, learn new lessons, gain new skills and leave the story better than he began it. (The Story Equation) As you learn more about me and my story, this is what I hope is seen (cause I’m feeling like it’s been happening) - that I’ve become someone new, learned lessons, gained new skills and my story is better than it began.
So many new chapters have been written (and are being written) in my life. I hardly recognize the woman today compared to the woman of a few years ago...and that is the point of the journey!
When I was first planning the day I was excited, but as the day approached the length of travel and of the day as a whole started to weigh. Waking up with a sinus headache didn't help and I started to wonder if it was the best idea. However, I hit the road for the 2.5 hour drive determined to keep to my commitment. That drive really isn't bad, the beauty of rural Kansas was mine to behold. The car was filled with beverages, snacks, and music. A former colleague always described longer car rides as having "quality windshield time" -- time to think and pray; I've always loved that perspective and took advantage of the time to do just that. As I pulled into town, I realized both it and I had changed while apart. I didn't enter the town with any lingering feelings of sadness, just fond memories. I took a slower route to my destination, soaking in the sites of the town that had been home for many years. The familiarity was comforting and welcoming - letting me see the role it all had played in who I am today. My first stop was at the district office where I'd worked for 5 years - it always serves as a good meeting place to carpool, but there were afternoon meetings scheduled there too. I entered to smiles from familiar faces and was able to have conversations of catching up. I also received an unexpected hug from the superintendent -- I always appreciated his heart and this gesture of friendship meant a lot. Our team was then off to Hutchinson for a client meeting with another one of my favorite superintendents. I have the utmost respect for Betsy McKinney and this meeting was the main reason for my trip. She is retiring this year and I wanted to see her one more time in person! We met at ESSDACK which I have such good memories connected with. As I entered the offices, I heard my name called out across the room -- this made my heart sing! Carmen, who I had the pleasure of working with in McPherson now works there and caught sight of my entrance.
The day was so full and rewarding! Not only physical hugs were received but also hugs of affirmation from both clients and my team. My bucket was filled from it all!
Following all of the fulfilling time with clients, I was able to catch up with two more of my favorite people -- Jason and Mary Lynn! More hugs - which if you know Jason, is rare and I valued it even more! And again I was reminded of how far I've come, but also the wonderful people that have helped me get there!! I hit the road home feeling loved on, cared for and blessed. A work trip -- leaving me full and cared for!! Thank you to each and every person that contributed to the day!! And to those that I didn't get to see, you were thought of....I just didn't have enough time on this trip...but knowing that I had even more friends around fills me even fuller. I am so blessed! What's in a name.... It's funny how a name is spoken can speak different levels... A first name followed by a middle name can mean you are in trouble with your parents. My mom's "oh Carol" communicates a level of compassion and concern. A nickname communicates fun, playfulness. Your name spoken by a loved one can feel loving, chosen. I always envied names that could be shortened. Three of my brothers have names that they shorten and are daily called by. Not sure what happened to that , but it ended by my parents 4th and 5th kids. I was sharing this with a friend one day and she suggested that I be called Carl for short...I wasn't so sure about that suggestion! However, she still will call me Carl for fun and it makes me smile every time (only she could get away with it). I've been called Smurf by friends in my teen years, thanks to my maiden name. I still remember calling a friend of mine Jaws - I don't know if she actually bit someone or just threatened to (Julie do you remember?). I have the honor of being called "mom" by my girls. I'm a proud daughter, sister, Aunt, Great Aunt and probably more titles to family. I'm friend, best friend, and girlfriend even -- titles that I treasure and hold dear. But the greatest of all these names... is Child of God, redeemed, loved, forgiven, chosen - He changed my name! |
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March 2024
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